Mixed feelings, Seans return.

It's been a while since I posted something of substance. Sean is returning home in less than a month. We are very excited, anxious, and worried for his safe return. It has been a long year and we have grown so much. Malachi especially has grown a lot since Sean saw him last. I have enjoyed every minute of Malachi and all the new things he's learned.

Coping with the return: I've already had mixed feelings. While I love Sean very much I am having mixed feelings about his return. I very much want him home, but I've had to take over a lot of responsibilities while he was gone that he used to take care of. I guess I am just wondering how I will be able to pass those responsibilities back to him. It's a major adjustment since he's been gone so long. While we have been able to talk almost every day....there are still a lot of things that I have had to do on my own. I wonder if other military wives have these same problems...I feel really alone and I don't want him to think I don't want him home. I have spent a lot of time on my knees figuratively speaking since Sean's been gone. I suppose that that will be the solution for his return.
I know my heavenly father loves me and watches over me. I know he is there when I ask for help and sometimes when I don't he's there to catch me. I just want to share that my faith has been tried this past year. I have had a really hard time and have struggled with my spirituality. But I am hoping that my constant trials are helping me to grow stronger mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I know that my Savior lives and he loves me. I know without a doubt that I will see him again some day. The recent death of a close family friend who is my age has really made me stop and think of all the things I am thankful for. It really shook me and I am having a hard time recovering. We don't know how long our time on earth is. I could be gone tomorrow, but I want Malachi to know how much I love my savior. I'm thankful for being taught the gospel at a young age and being able to be a part of such a big plan. I'm thankful for being taught to do service for others. I truly enjoy doing things for others and seeing the joy it brings to them. I am thankful for my Savior and for the many things he has done for me. I am also thankful that he continues to stay by my side even with all the trials I have faced. I know that he will continue to guide me and that without him I am nothing. I'm sorry for my destructive behavior this past year, but I am so thankful for repentance and forgiveness. I know with my saviors help that I can forgive myself and move past this.
I love my husband and my son very much. I hope that I am someone that they can be proud of. Thank you to all the people who helped support me this past year while Sean's been gone. I couldn't have made it without you.